luck (and bird shit)
1998 (updated : 2023.09.19)
I've always been a lucky fellow, and never really understood why. Then a Chinese-Canadian friend of mine gave me two explanations.
- I have a dragon tattoo
- I keep getting crapped on by birds
At the time, I didn't know that bird shit was considered lucky, but it's as plausible an explanation as I've got. Because it's true: I get crapped on by birds rather a lot. It's been twenty times, now.
1. The first time I was shit upon by a bird was in the mid 80's when my brother and I were 'swimming' in a river in western Alberta. Swimming being a loose word that better might be replaced with the expression 'floating down an extremely rocky river with our shoes on lest we cut open a foot or break/twist an ankle among the rocks in the fast-flowing water'. A good Alberta tradition—this kind of floating is carried out during the brief Summer weeks when the weather is hot and incredibly dry.
We had come upon a bridge. I decided I didn't like the looks of the water conditions beyond the bridge, so I stood. No sooner had I straightened up in the knee-high water than something appeared on my—then untattooed—chest. I looked down in surprise at the narrow white strip that extended from near my shoulder to almost my swim trunks, and realized I'd been shit upon. My brother and parents, standing by the car on the gravel bank, all thought it was hysterically funny. I simply started in disbelieve for a moment, then sank back into the water.
Looking up, I could see distant birds among the beams of the bridge. I guess it was just... luck. That night, I found a spider cooked into my pie. That's right, I found it before I ate it. If that's not luck, I dunno what is. We went on to have a fine time, taking in the Frank slide and the rest of the sights.
2. The second time I can recall being crapped on by a bird was about eight years later, when I was heading to a pub with my brother Ken, his wife-to-be Heidi, and my friend Kamil. We were downtown in sleepy old St. Catharines. A goddamn pigeon crapped on my shoulder. But we had a good time, so the bird crap hadn't hurt.
3. A couple of years passed. Then one day, I was riding up the elevator in Toronto's First Canadian tower, and I noticed two coworkers from a different floor (which meant they were from Marketing or something like that, and might as well have been from a different planet) were staring at my coat and smirking at one another. It was a winter coat with broad lapels that habitually flopped forward, so I couldn't see what they were looking at. I stepped off the elevator, and as I headed to my desk, I had a look at the far side of the lapel. It was bird crap, and it was at least several hours old, as it had hardened to a crumbly consistency.
I wasn't please that I'd been walking around the city for God only knew how long with birdshit on my jacket, nor was I impressed with my dull lifeless coworkers that said nothing. Birdshit is difficult to get out of wool, let me tell you. As for the Marketeers or Customer Service staff or whatever they were; that's Toronto for you.
I cleaned up and laughed about having been crapped on three times in one lifetime. Then I got a better job and never again saw a place staffed so thoroughly with the likes of the drones in that elevator. Definitely a bit of luck, actually. The job I went to remains to this day the most fun I've had on the clock.
4. About three years later, I was late for a corporate training course, and moving quickly. Somehow, I still managed to get nailed. Happily, I was wearing my by-then aging Gore-tex jacket, and getting the shit off was a breeze. By odd coincidence, a fellow from Arthur Andersen I'd worked with some months prior named Baskaran happened to be in the washroom of the same hotel, taking the same course. He approached me to share in my laugh over my (mis)fortune as I was running the place out of paper towels. I might add that birdsh*t doesn't come out of Gore-tex terribly well, either. The course turned out to be quite good, though. Helped along, no doubt, by my sacrifice to the avian gods.
The above article was written in 2001. What comes next... happened next.
5. Update: 2002.02.16
It's happened again. This one occurred as I was walking down Robson Street in Vancouver. I was crapped on rather mightily, by a crow this time. Mercifully, crow shit is no worse than the gull or pigeon variety (I'd always imagined it would be utterly more foul, for some reason). And I was wearing, of all things, my rain coat. Oh frabjous day. Maybe now I can find a job!
6. Update: 2002.08.18
Well, six months and two days later, I've still had no luck with a job (or with much else, actually), but I have had another dose of bird shit. This time it was on the beach as I was about to approach a woman who I'd noticed had the same dragon tattoo I've got. I had just tucked away my camera to walk over to where she was lying with her husband, when I felt something hit my leg and crotch. I looked down, and there was a large dollop of rather dark birdshit about two centimeters to the right of my fly. Another, even larger smear graced my leg about ten centimeters above my ankle. It was the biggest shitting by a bird to date.
After struggling to get it cleaned up with sandy saltwater, I decided I was no longer presentable enough to go chatting to strangers on the beach (what an image that would have made, someone fully dressed with a stained wet patch in the crotch asking about women's tattoos—I passed on the idea). Definitely the worst bird-shitting to date. Hopefully of a lifetime. I don't know what luck befell me next.
7. Update: 2002.11.09
Toronto. This was another of the charming episodes where I didn't even notice the event. It was my friend Charlie that pointed out that I'd been crapped on just as we entered a cemetery to take some photos.
Three times in one year is too much, honestly. Happily, the birds gave me a break in '03.
8. Update: 2004.07.02
Halifax, Nova Scotia. I don't know how I got through 2003 without any bird crap landing on me, but my (un?)lucky streak seems to be over. It happened today as I was on my way to pick up a rental car. Some small bird got me right on the right wrist (say that ten times fast—heh; maybe it was a wren).
I am, by now, resigned to a lifetime of this. However, nothing happened in '05.
9. Update: 2006.11.08
Thailand. This time, I even have a photo. We'd just finished eating at a small stand beneath a highway overpass, where office workers go for some cheap and quick grub. Sort of an outdoor, tropical mono-cultural food court. We'd eaten our nice light dishes, and had stepped back into the street. Wending our way through the human and vehicular traffic, a gust of pigeons washed over us. A slight sensation at my knee caused me to look down... at some fresh shit.
To the laughter of the locals, I retrieved a tissue or two from another food stall and poured some of my bottled water on it to rid my pants of the kind of stain with obvious crusties. Later in the evening I managed to get most of the rest of it out. Then I wore the pants for the next three days, almost continuously.
A fine way to start married life.
10. Update: 2007.11.08
A year later, in a different city in a different Asia country. It was an enormous load, easily among the top two (along with the unfortunate incident at the beach). Probably a cormorant, or possibly a crane. Something that ate lots of fish, in any event. It hit me right on the shoulder, like an egg cracking. Three centimeters to the left and it would have gone inside my cycling jacket and ruined the shirt I was wearing for the day at the office. Ten centimeters higher, and it would have splashed across my face.
What happened next was .. nothing. I went a full five years without being crapped on once. I have a theory to explain this, and it comes down to the number of children I have at any time. When I had zero children, I got crapped on ten times. When I had one child, I was never crapped on at all. Then, in 2012, we had a second child, and it started happening at an accelerated rate.
11. Update: 2012.07.28
It's been quite a while, but it's happened again. A bird above me was doing that type of "stalling" where it looks like it's going to crap. I watched it warily, and didn't see it unload. But it did; it got my shoulder and someone pointed it out to me. Just a tiny dot, about one square centimeter or so. This is the first time in nearly five years!!
All in all, a lucky crapping indeed. And a nice bit of luck to welcome our little Emma.
12. Update: 2013.04.18
Oh, bother. It's picking up speed again. This time I took it on the collar and shoulder, a smear of white shit that spattered pretty badly because I was at speed on my bike at the time.
13. Update: 2013.08.21
So is this daughter of mine some sort of talisman for bird crap? Or is there a numerical explanation—do I only get crapped on by birds when I have zero or an even number of kids? Anyway, it's happened again and to be honest it was a "dream" shitting. A fat circular splot on my right thigh just in from my knee as I sat on a beach having a picnic with some friends. It was a herring gull, a member of that species that blesses Toronto with its charming presence year round. It had just taken to the air two or three meters away and I believe it hit me because I wouldn't part with any food. But it was okay: even the secondary splatter was OK; just a dot on the opposite thigh. Given that the bird missed some open food containers and missed our little Emma's head by about twenty centimeters, I'll consider this a "perfect shit".
13a, a possibly bird-crapping, 2013.11.27
The weather's been suddenly colder, and today I was tromping around in my boots and parka after picking up my son when I noticed that the shoulder of my parka had a suspicious white area on it. It was the right size and color for bird shit. I can't think what else it might have been, because it wasn't warm enough for melt-water, but a) I never saw a bird and b) it must have virtually liquid because it was a thin stain indeed and without any real lumps or residue or darker grey splotches.
The birds were off their game in '14 and '15, as I avoided their blessings of luck altogether.
14. Update: 2016.02.29 - Shot to the sleeve, and a bird's to blame
It's funny how there's such variability to these incidents. Nothing at all for 2008 - 2011, then a flurry of four in 2012 - 2013, and then silence for nearly three years. But today I arrived at work to find the familiar grey-and-yellow smear still cooling on my sleeve. I take it as a good sign: I'll need some luck for some things I have going on!
15. Update: 2017.10.09 - Like a frangipane in my hair, kinda.
This morning at breakfast at grandma's house I mentioned that I'd had a comment on this web page from someone who was hoping to hear back about a job interview, and had indeed gotten the happy news of a new job shortly after being crapped on by a bird. My mum responded that she thought she had been several times, feeling that something had landed in her hair. But it had never actually been bird crap.
This afternoon, upon arriving back in Toronto from our visit with her, we were unpacking the car when I felt something strike my hair. Naturally, it was indeed my fifteenth bird blessing.
16. Update: 2018.03.07 - a hit! my shoeeee!!!
I discovered splat of crap on my shoe. It came off so cleanly, I was really thankful. I wonder what manner of flying poop vector it had been. Something small, but not as tiny as a sparrow, I think. Little did I suspect what the birds of 2018 had in store for me.
17. Update: 2018.07.09 - Revenge of the swallow.
This morning I was sitting on a balcony in Miyakonojo, Japan, and noticed that some swallows were parking themselves not far away. There were two of them with their beaks crammed with bugs. I looked about and spotted their nest and realized that they were hesitant to approach with their babies' food while I was there. So I went inside.
Later, as we were preparing to leave, I was standing in the parking lot and noticed the swallows diving after mosquitoes. One of them made a wide loop, well below their normal flight patterns, and let some crap fly at the bottom of its arc. The crap hit my ankle. The swallow chittered noisily. The thing had done it on purpose!
18. Update: 2018.08.12 - Crapped on while getting skunked.
It's happened a third time in 2018 (and the year is yet young). This morning I was fruitlessly fishing at Bluffer's Park when I felt the familiar tap on my hat from out of nowhere. I don't know what type of bird today's villain was, but its poo was pure white and made a little disk. Not a fish- or fruit-eating bird, this time.
Later that day, in a different location, for the first time in Canadian waters I caught a trout, so I guess the luck's finally come through.
19. Update: 2019.06.04 - Nailed while cycling
Hard to believe it took ten months, but it's happened again. This time, while riding my bike home through the city center.
#19
20. Update: 2022.05.04 - May the Fourth Be With You
My darling daughter warned that a low-flying pigeon had come close to crapping on me while were meeting friends in a park in Kawasaki. Well, it turned out I had a drop on my sleeve - maybe the same bird, maybe one of the many others.
honorable mention
In July of 2020, I was crapped on by .. a largish insect.
luck and deserving
Buddhists say things like Wise people know that everything they achieve or fail at in life are only consequences of their own actions and thoughts. But I disagree. I haven't done much with my days, but my luck remains pretty good. There are hazards in every life, but I find that in broad terms, I've managed to stumble into everything I need: health (mostly), shelter, food, education, employment (um, mostly), and now a woman who'll share her life with me and a son and daughter who are happy and healthy and great to know. That this is owing solely to my own actions seems a little far-fetched.
On the other hand, it's seductive to think that I was just such a great person in a past life that my just reward is the good life I'm currently living. Perhaps I could accept the fact that I'm just that deserving. But I think I'll instead make a quiet nod to the birds and keep one eye on the sky.
Oh, this made me laugh. I feel better for having just gotten it on my clothing/body.
luck
Hi Michael,
Just got crapped on and immediately thought of you.
How's that book coming?
Rich (formerly of St. Catharines)
Heh, heh! I've got 'top of mind awareness' when it comes to bird crap?
The book's on hold; too much else on the go.
This is so funny! Why am I even reading your story about being shat on 10 times? My boyfriend and I were walking around a lake this evening (in Florida) and a cormorant was up in a tree over the path and shit exactly as we were walking under the tree and we both got sprayed with it! I sure hope it brings us some luck - we could sure use some! LOL I thought you might enjoy this old joke I found a link for - "The Foo Bird" www-personal.umich.edu/~bbowman/birds/humor/foo_bird.html
Thanks for sharing your comment, and that joke. I'm slightly worried that my long run of getting crapped on abruptly ended some time back .. it's been eerily quiet since.
It's hilarious!!! I got bird's shit on my jacket yesterday morning, first time in my life. I said to my bf how can they poop while they are flying and how can I got it while I am running :)). He said it supposed to be a good luck which I though was a joke. However, yesterday afternoon, there's a customer bought all my ebay stuffs, seriously ALL. I posted many stuffs since i am moving to another place. So yeah, I do believe bird's shit brings luck :)) and even it doesn't we did have a good laugh after all.
So there's something to it after all, good to know.
Thanks for leaving your comment, Phuong.
Since i read this story , my wife feels a lot better. she thought she was the only one that had been hit 4 times in 25 years... Happy Crapping (Europe is not safe either) Cheers!
And happy crapping to you! 8^)
The funny thing is that it's only happened once in the last four or five years. I'm getting paranoid.
I don't know you nor believe in luck but I read your awesome story and I really believe your blessed. Some people have it easier than others but your optimism so wonderful. Today while walking to the store a bird popped right on my face and into. I was astonish and right when I thought of getting upset I just laughed at how great of a sense of humor God has :-) I had it tough most of my life but Im hoping that bird poop is some sort of a sign of a breakthrough. Anywho, have a blessed life and thanks for your post and optimism :-)
That's a great attitude, Kathy. I've tended to laugh them off as well. The first was a great gob that ran right down my chest and stomach. I just sank into the river where I was standing and had a chuckle. Never had it in the face, though - ugh!
And may your life be blessed as well. d_(-.-)_b
Omg the funniest thing happened to my friend today. We were eating lunch in our school quad, and my friend tapped my shoulder and asked me if there was something on her shoulder, I look and saw a small size of seagull crap, while laughing I helped cleaned it up for her. Then after a minute or so I was looking up trying to stay clear of the bird, I saw another bird shit, just in time to hit my fried AGAIN! Omg this time it was big. I couldn't believe it. It was so funny and awful at the same time. She was shy on twice on the same day within minutes I mean what r the odds??
Wow. I guess the lesson is not to linger: once shit-on, twice shy!
Thanks for sharing the story.
Hey Michael, I live in Tasmania and work at the New museum called MONA, its a busy job where we welcome thousands of visitors every day. Needless to say we all need a relaxing "knock off" drink after work andck into a bean bag with my beer....BOOM! A huge seagull shit crashed down onto my left upper arm and ricocheted onto the pink bean bag. I was with a group of a dozen work colleagues who all witnessed this event and most where grossed out. But my good buddy and manager reminded me of the good luck aspect of this improbable event. Instinct to avoid embarrassed me to immediately wipe the shit from my arm onto the bag, but I now wish I allowed it to remain a little longer for a closer inspection of the luck bringing material. Fremory it was pale green and white, a little watery and seemed to be comprised of pchip. Anyway, it also caused me to remember that the preen shit on at the beach. Same arm just a little lower, same bird? I doubt it but now I'm reading your hilarious blog and I am excited to count myself in with the lucky crew! Also, my hands are tingling, but this could just be due to texting..ha! So now I will wait for the double dose of good luck to appear. I can sense that that someone, somewhere is about to give me a superyacht and a Carribean island for nothing, as the bird has already paid.
Hi, CJ;
One of the benefits of being repeatedly crapped on by birds is that it eventually stops bothering you at all. Which I suppose is good for people who work with the things!
Thanks for the note, I could just see the situation you described unfolding. "Of all the luck!" ;^)
I was on a short vacation in Palm Spring, California attending the tennis tournament in Indian Wells, when an earthquake occurred. I guess it was some kind of sigh?? While sitting in the stands of one of the stadiums, everyone looked up to see this beautiful flock of birds flying in several large formations. Maybe stirred up by the earthquake. All of a sudden the lady behind me informed me that I was hit with some bird shit on my nice red shirt. Oh well I figured it was just a continuation of my unfortunate events in my life! Then....I saw on TV the bird on the smoke stack in Rome and the selection of the new Pope, Francis (the bird Saint). Now I know how fortunate I am to have be selected by the birds, out of the hundreds of other fans at the match to be blessed by the birds. Red shirt like the Cardinals wear, Yes, I am waiting for the good news to come, I hope soon. Tom Dodaro, Lincoln California 3/18/2013
Good for you, Tom, that's a very positive story! Thanks for sharing your story.
Found your page by googling "a bird pooped on my head" as this just happened to me in Chicago today (for the first time). I also have a dragon tattoo, so I expect many more run-ins with bird shit over the coming years. Cheers.
Welcome to the club, Jason!
Lol I am actually trying to quit drinking.on Friday I had to walk past my Fav bar and go home, it was really tough but I did it, a few minutes after some birds flew over Me and dropped poop On me, landed on my arm and laptop bag, it felt like God Pat me on my back.
Outstanding attitude, Damola! All the best in realizing your goal.
This article is hilarious!!...I was laughing out loud about your "moron co-workers" not telling you! such a great read..truely made my day! I had an interview today and then walked around the park and city for two hours before going home and just as i walked through the door.. there it was comfortably laying on my shoulder.. a miniature mushy brown look-alike dog shit! i could almost see the steam coming out from it...no idea how long its been there! I REALLY hope I got the job!!
Well if there's any truth to bird shit bringing good luck, then you'll have landed the job for sure. 8^)
Thanks for leaving a comment,
I stumbled upon your article after someone on the street told me that a bird crapping on you was considered good luck. I'm still not convinced it's good luck, but sir, I believe you deserve an award for getting crapped on so many times and having such a great attitude about it! Yesterday, I was standing next to my car parked next to a meter covered in bird crap. I didn't think much of it until something hit my head. Mind you, I have long brown hair that hits me mid-back. I put my hand to my hair and pulled out a giant wad of pigeon crap. I screamed so loud that the entire street probably thought I was dying. Needless to say, I spent the end of my vacation standing on the side of street having my bf pour a water bottle on my freshly washed and styled hair. We didn't end up going to lunch because I was too upset. If it is considered good luck, let's hope that it carries over to my job interview in 2 days! Either that or it saved me from getting food poisoning at the hot dog place we were about to eat at. Oh and oddly enough, I have a dragon tattoo too, though I can't say I've been crapped on so generously as you've been. Let me tell you though, trying to wash out bird crap from your long hair is not an easy or sanitary task. Maybe we should invest in hats and raincoats.
You know, it almost happened to me again the other day as well; I held a door open for some colleagues and a pigeon just above crapped all down the inside glass surface of the door. Still, I'd rather be cleaning that then my hair.
All the best with the job interview. You've got your secret good luck weapons - you can't miss.
I have a bald head an today on the way to mu moms house a bird shited right on my bald head , I said whst luck an smild at myself as I look for something to take it off so I'm waiting for my luck an then I thpught Im alive an well an going to spend the day with my mom so I guess that my luck.
Gotta laugh and brush it off. Glad you kept smiling, Travis, what else can you do?
I got shat on today - perfect end to the perfect month. I had the worst luck ever... until I got shat on! I searched in google cause I wanted to see how people reacted to being shat on. I laughed it off (im a virgin to bird shit). But damn your blog is pretty damn inspirational. Thanks!
Correction, anonymous stranger: you were a virgin to bird shit. Welcome to your deflowered state.
When I was a little boy back in the early 1960s I got p1ssed on by a small bird as we were shopping at an old Five-And-Ten. I've been crapped on by birds at least twice already - at one time pigeon poop landed near my left eye and almost blinded me as I was crossing Wall Street in NYC. Today, I just got crapped on again as I was waiting for the start of a junior high school flag football match. Don't care what anyone says - this does not, I repeat, does NOT bring good luck. Perhaps those who get a good laugh out of it or the bird themselves may get a kick out of this but d@mn it, it's annoying to say the very least, can be very injurious if it lands on your eyes, and is terribly messy, too.
Great comment, anonymous visitor.
Okay, haven't seen one like this yet, so here goes: when i was 16, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in a park at night. My hand was in his lap (if you know what I mean) and he was, um, exposed to the elements. Suddenly a huge plop! Guess where? Yeah, so my hand and his yoohoo were COVERED in runny, lumpy, gray and white shit. He immediately leaned to the side and started retching, while i rolled on the ground laughing. Suffice it to say that the romantic mood was ruined.
Poor bugger. Thanks for leaving the anecdote, that was a good chuckle!
today, its the second time I am being crapped by birds shit when riding bike.
Sorry to hear it, David!
Michael, For your info, this canadian lady had about the similar numbered as yours. http://www.legalnomads.com/2014/07/birds.html
So she has, thanks for pointing her out. I'll contact her, maybe we'll start an institute. 8^D
Ran across ur blog/ article and laughed my ass off sorry to say this but to me it sounds like ur just a shitting post...
That's understandable. In my own defense, I can point out that I was usually moving when these things happened! 8)
Thanks for taking the time to record your run-ins with bird droppings. I've had one on my right arm just this morning for the 1st time in my life. Birds particularly swans in Scandinavian Spirituality signals that the favor of a Valkyrie (sort of a guardian angel) is upon you, bringing you safely through various turning points in life; from life, death then rebirth. :)
Maybe it's like tattoos, Dagaz, or making your first million: the first one's the hardest, after that they're much easier. 8)
Thanks for the note from Norse mythology, it's certainly a rich tradition.
As noted somewhere on my web page, there's another Canadian who's recording her "hits". We're currently tied for birds, but she's had one bat and I concede that that will be a hard one to match.
Everything and anything that comes into your life you either directly or indirectly attracted it with your thoughts.
I guess I must have had bird shit on my mind- oh god, not again!
Twice in my life.. first about 1980, on a brand new pair of jeans walking across the yard. Today, Oct. 6, 2017, sitting in a car(window down) eating ice cream. The latter was chunky redish brown. Most of it hit the inside door of the car and splattered onto my bare (Daisy Dukes) leg. Im currenly waiting on a call telling me when to start my new job after the background check. Laughing the rest of the day. ~Phoenix~
Here's hoping, Ragena Kay!
Posted earlier today about getting pooped on today. Rejoice with me! I start orientation at Sodexo on Tue at Tulsa University as Catering Supervisor! Thank you little bird friend! Phoenix ~Ragena Kay!
Congratulations, Ragena! The birds came through when you needed them.
Hmmm, it's been a long time since I've been blessed by a bird.
My fiance Josh & I are sitting in our truck after doing our normal morning routine of getting coffee & cigarettes, we are sitting and talking for a while before he has to go off to work....we hear all the crows chattering as the sun comes up. There's always a whole sky filled of them when we are outside. We look up & Josh just has this feeling that they are going to "bless" his just-recently washed truck...well, sure enough! Guess who's car in the entire row of cars gets shitted on????!!!! Josh's! His whole windshield and only.on his side of the truck from front to back of the truck! We laughed so hard after he jumped out to check if anyone else's car had been blessed...NOPE! ONLY HIS! that's how we both(without knowing) looked online at the same time and came across your page. Good laugh!
Thanks for the laugh, Judi! Enjoy the good luck to come - perhaps a good sign for your planned life together. 8^)
birdshit and good luck
One afternoon back in the Fall of 1982, I was walking home from college along a canal in Miami, Florida. I heard a two or three screeches that sounded like they were coming from behind and above me. As i looked up, I was flown over by a great blue heron. It passed over my head and dropped a load of shit in front of my face (but not on my face, fortunately).
Only a few months later--just after sunset on Tuesday, March 8, 1983--I was walking home from college and heading toward the same canal. Just after I had passed a library, I saw a blur, and then I felt a splat on my forehead. A seagull had just dropped a shitload in my face, and on my shirt. Even my belt-buckle had poop on it. Seagulls congregate at a garbage disposal site just north of where I was messed on. I had to walk past a shopping center with the crap on me in full view. Night fall saved me from what should have been an embarassing moment.
On the Monday of the following week, I learned that I had passed a Physical Chemistry test. Until then, I was failing Physical Chemistry. The birdshit was a sign of good luck.
On the other hand, small birds pooped on my head twice in 1996--once in late August, and again in mid-October. I lost my job on the same day in both instances. I believe that the culprit in the mid-October incident was a crow.